The Road to Katie and Casey

December 3, 2001

With all due respect, Nancy doesn't understand males. At the end of the term, we have our dorm clean up, and we write down the things they will need to do. On the list that she was going to actually GIVE to the boys, she had written: `Wash walls if necessary.'

Sadly, it came to me to inform her that I was 46 years old, and had NEVER felt like it was necessary to wash a wall. If the walls were bleeding, I would bet money that there wasn't a seventh grade boy on the planet who would take that as a cue to wash them. We removed the suggestion, made it a requirement, and finally passed inspection so they could go home for a month.

Before they went home, we had to have a contingency planning meeting. Because the US embassy was bombed in Kenya a few years ago, we need to have a plan in case of emergency. We all need to have one carry on bag with passports, clothing, and a few other items. I asked our dorm guys what they thought they should have in that bag:

· Hockey Stick

· Poster of favorite soccer player

· Candy

Not one of them thought that a change of underwear was a priority, which gives us reasons beyond the obvious to pray for peace on earth.

We've made a huge decision, and it was the toughest one we've ever made. In contrast, the decision to come to Kenya was a walk in the park.

I always always always wanted a daughter. I would not trade my sons for anything, but I wanted a daughter badly. My brother also had three sons, and threatened before the third was born that whatever it was, it was gonna wear a dress. His son Jon is a very handsome young man who would not look right in that kind of attire. He finally has had two beautiful granddaughters and has found his peace.

It had been on my heart for a long time to consider adopting. There are so many children who need homes in Kenya that it is hard not to consider it. But it was too soon after Stephen's death for Nan, and so it was something we put on the shelf.

When we returned to Kenya, Nan started to actively consider the possibility of adopting. As she considered the pros and cons, she came to realize that the cons were mostly fears, and she didn't want to be ruled by fear.

Then a friend of ours, a Dutch missionary who lives in Nairobi, stopped by and told us that he had adopted a child. Nan asked him: `Wasn't it hard when there are so many children to choose which one?' His response changed our lives. He said `It was so obvious.' When Nan told me that later, we both wept.

She then heard about twins that had been abandoned at the New Life Home, an orphanage for abandoned babies with HIV or Aids. When she heard about them, her heart leaped, and she knew they were for us.

As she told me, I wondered `Who IS this woman?' Nancy is a woman who would hit me every time I mentioned how neat it would be to have twins. Now she was talking about adopting twins.

We talked to JT and Matthew. One of them was very pro adoption, and one was very leery about it. We all went to the orphanage together, knowing it had to be a family decision.

There is so much need in this country. But you can't adopt children out of need. It has to be more than that, especially when you already have a family. I talked to almost everyone of my African American friends in the United States about the subject, and I know how controversial a white family adopting black children can be. I know how many issues we will face as a family. And I have had three children as infants; I'm very realistic how much work and sacrifice it will take to adopt four-month-old twins, especially at my age.

But as we walked out of that orphanage, our reticent child said `Let's get them both!' And beyond the needs and the desperation, one fact that I don't quite understand made itself clear to us:

They were supposed to be ours. They were our children.

We've begun the process of adopting Katherine (who will fulfill a long time dream of mine and be called Katie) and Casey. They were abandoned when they were three days old and initialed tested positive for HIV. HIV is transmitted by breast-feeding, and the fact that they were abandoned so early is probably what saved their lives. They now have no traces of HIV in them; a phenomenon that occurs in about half of all infants in Africa who test positive for HIV at birth. The other half develops full-blown Aids and die within a few months.

The process can take a long time, and so we would ask your prayers. We committed to go to northern Kenya for a ten-day trip starting Thursday, so we will be out of touch for a few days. Our hope is to have the children before Christmas, but whether that will occur or not is an open question right now. We will begin as foster parents, with the hope of adopting after a six-month period.

I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say there haven't been times of sheer panic and high anxiety regarding adopting these children. Half the time we have been thrilled, and half the time we have been terrified.

But in the end, it wasn't a hard decision at all.

It was so obvious.

Your pal,

Steve

PS Last time we were here, we got six, count em, six, Christmas cards. You can mail a card to Kenya for 80 cents. Family picture cards are especially nice; is this enough of a humiliating beg?